By Maggie Kruger

Ah Wednesday.

You used to be the best day of the week: Humpday! You were almost the weekend and, more importantly, the Forgotten Flix Podcast day!

But now… there’s no podcast. And we have to wait till fracking Thursday? Where’s the fun in that?!

Truly, what a difference a day makes.

Some people (naming no names, but staring pointedly at a certain New Jersey-based artist) are having trouble coming to terms with the day change, and it occurs to me that other people might also be struggling.

So here are five movies you can watch on a Wednesday and then pretend it’s almost as good as having a new podcast episode to listen to.

1. Clerks

Two guys talk at length about obscure movies whilst a collection of oddballs harass them for kicks: How Kevin Smith had the foresight to make a filmic representation of the Forgotten Flix Facebook group I will never know.

2. The Aristocrats

Jason dropped an f-bomb the other week and I laughed for an hour afterwards.

Because I am childish and amused by swears. If you too are easily entertained by rude things, watch this: a documentary about one of the dirtiest jokes in the world.

3. Braveheart

OK, so it’s no secret that I hate Mel Gibson. It’s like… a lot. But before became the poster boy for anti-semitism, he made an Oscar-winning living by making factually inaccurate historical biopics.

Now, I’m not saying Joel and Jason are ever inaccurate, I’m just saying that, much as I shouted at the TV when I was watching Braveheart for the first time, sometimes I shout at my computer when neither of them can remember Marg Helgenberger’s name.

4. Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach

I live in London, and even when it’s delightful and sunny, it’s not bloody FLORIDA, is it?

So, every time I listen to the Podcast, I like to imagine Joel as Captain Harris, strutting along the beach with DORK written in sunbloc on his chest, and Jason as Proctor, drinking a Pina Colada that’s as big as his head.

5. Alien³

The final movie that I’m going to recommend is the one where Ripley doesn’t have any hair.

I’m not going to tell you why I’m recommending a movie where none of the characters have a single hair on their head.

I know that sounds baldly obnoxious, but you’ll just have to work it out for yourself. 😉